Before Georgie was born, we decided we would go the route of Co-sleeping. Our reasoning behind this was mostly logistical. It seemed like it would be much more convenient for night time feedings and diaper changes if she was already in the room with us. Upon execution this proved to be true, but there were other benefits as well.
We got a co-sleeper, which is like a bassinet that attaches to the bed and set it up partially before Georgie even came home. All that remained was to attach it to the bed. This proved to be more of a trial than I had anticipated. First Rob set it up on my side of the bed, but due to spacing issues it had to be set up at my feet, not ideal. Next we decided to switch it to Rob's side of the bed and that I would sleep on that side going forward. Apologies to Rob for not figuring all this out in advance.
Having Georgie in the room with us was amazing. It allowed me to monitor her, which really put my mind at ease. Beyond that, it added to our bonding time.
During this time, I also allowed Georgie to sleep in the bed with us on occasion. We mostly did this when either a) she was having trouble falling back asleep or b) it was morning time and we just wanted another hour or so in bed. Something about putting her in between us and laying on my side drifting off looking at her drift off is just magic. Also knowing that she was able to fall asleep so easily in between her parents made me feel just amazing. There is some innate sense in her that is comforted by being so close to us. That this happens, at a time when your baby is hardly acknowledging you in her waking moments, is really fulfilling. It is just hard to describe all the feels from having the baby in bed with you.
For the first month and a half or so, I kept the My Breast Friend in bed with us. Each time I woke up to feed (every two hours). I would prop a mess of pillows up behind me and strap in. This was a lot to go through, but I really did not feel capable of feeding any other way. At about 5 or 6 weeks I think, I tried just feeding laying down, where she would sidle up next to me and I would pop a nipple in her mouth while lying down on my side. You may not know this folks, but no two bobs are exactly alike. The shape and nipple placement on one of my boobs is slightly different from the other, thus requiring me to finagle Georgie and my boob into different positions depending on the side we were on. None-the-less, feeding in bed without the pillow barrage is still infinitely easier. Though, I will note, feeding in bed like this does introduce a lot more fluids on to your sheets, but I can discuss that in the breast feeding post.
Anyway, all of this is to say, we kept her in the room with us at the beginning. At about 4 weeks, I did start asking folks when they transitioned to having baby sleep in another room. Their answers were varied in terms of timing from one month to three up to six but they all expressed the same sentiment that once they moved the baby out of the room they all started sleeping better. So I had it in my mind that at 6 weeks we would try putting her in her own room.
Once that date was upon us, I found I just could not do it. I did not want to separate from her. I was not ready. So I told myself, next week. We can try next week. I think it was on the Thursday when she actually turned 7 weeks, she slept 7 hours that night. Which was shocking and worrying to me, when I woke up at 4 am and she had not yet gotten me up to feed. I pretty much thought she was dead. In fact she had rolled to the mesh side of the sleeper and was pressed up against it. Again, causing me to think she had some how suffocated on mesh...? Once you have a kid, you will spend half your worrying time sure that they cannot breathe and are chocking on something. Trust me.
Anyway, next night same thing happened and that was what put me over the edge. No more mesh, time to try the crib.
So Saturday night, we get everything all set up in her room and do our bottle, changing diaper, changing clothes, swaddling routine and put her down in her own room in her crib. Easy right? No, the entire time leading up to and going through her night time routine I have this feeling welling in my chest. This painful anxiety, remorse and misery overload. My thoughts were going something like this: "What if she thinks we are abandoning her? Will she resent us? How will she sleep without my smell right by her side? What if she stops breathing? What if she asphixiates on her spit up and I am not there to hear it? What if there is an intruder in our house? What if i look up in the middle of the night and see these hands reaching into her crib to grab her? Worse yet, what if I don't se ethe hands? What if monsters in the closet/ under the bed are real? What is a zombie apocalyse happens tonight?"
So as we were getting ready to put her down, I started crying. Crying crying crying. I did manage to separate myself from her and then spend practically the entire night staring at the monitor to make sure she was ok. We also had the monitor on full blast, so every hiccup and every fart came through loud and clear. I am comforted to know that if she does start choking I will be able to hear it. And you know what happened that first night? Nothing. she slept 7 hours again and couldn't have given a damn if she was in the room with us or not. INGRATE! Just kidding, I could not be happier that she seems to have dodged a bullet when it comes to inheriting her mother's rather ridiculous overactive imagination.
I still find myself staring at the monitor in the middle of the night to be sure I see her chest rising and falling, but I feel a lot less guilty about abandoning her to her own room. I am hoping to get five to six hours of sleep some night soon.
