Tuesday, June 22nd 2014
The Friday prior was my last day at work because I just couldn’t stand it any more. Nothing major to report except that this day I had been really prone to crying, at like anything: Highlights from ‘99 women’s world cup, Getting news that Georgie had not yet “engaged” so labor was probably a few days or a week off, lots of things.
Wednesday, June 23 2014
I spent the morning puttering around the house and planning what I wanted to make for dinner. I ran to Trader Joes at lunch and filled the car with gas. I got home put things away, marinated some chicken in yogurt and decided that I should probably take a nap. I laid down about 1 pm and was woken up at about 2 pm feelings kind of crampy. I knew this could be a sign, but I didn’t want to get overly excited as I had on pretty much all the days leading up to this one two weeks out. Seriously, I had no idea what labor was like so every time I farted, I thought it might be labor.
After the nap, I came downstairs and watched TV and felt like the cramping was getting worse. At about 3 pm I felt like I was possibly having “contractions,” but felt like I wasn’t sure. After all, I didn’t think my water had broken. I had not lost my mucous plug and the baby was not “engaged.”
Rob was working so I went back to his office around 3:30 and asked if we could go on a walk soon as we had been doing every day. He said sure and at 4 we were off. On the walk I told him that I thought maybe I was having contractions but could not be sure yet. Well on the walk, we had to stop several times so I could let them pass. But again, I thought I was maybe just being melodramatic and this was just gas or something.
By the time we got back to the house, I felt more convinced that it was in fact labor, but I was not yet sold. I decided to continue with the plan of making dinner etc. and Rob went back to work. At that time I was IMing with Laura and told her I was pretty sure I was in labor but to not tell anyone yet in case I was crazy.
I made greek salad and we grilled chicken, eating dinner around 7 pm. I had to stop several times and lean over for contractions while cooking and Rob started getting excited. Again, I can call these “contraction,” now but at the time, I was not convinced.
During dinner, I remember having to stop eating for a very noticeable contraction. Knowing that I might not get another chance, I told Rob that I was going to lie down, around 8 pm, to try and get some rest. Rob said he was going to do more work.
I went upstairs, put on PJ’s, laid down and quickly realized there was no way I was going to sleep. In fact, the contractions had gotten a lot worse. At this point, I was almost positive this was labor. I think we had started trying to track these “contractions” around 6 pm, but they were so random at that time it did not really work out. By 8 pm, I was able to track them. I believe at that time they were about 15 - 30 minutes apart 45 sec- 1 min long. I came downstairs and decided to watch TV on my own since Rob was still working. We still were not 100% sure this was labor BTW. I watched a bunch of “Don’t Trust the B in Apartment 23.”. Later on, Rob finished working and I told him I was pretty sure this was labor and my contractions were 15 minutes apart.
At that point he went into “get ready mode” flying around the house, cleaning the kitty litter, taking out trash, just getting all these little things done if we were going to be going to the hospital. Afterwards, he came and sat with me and we put on Aziz Ansari “Buried Alive,” which funnily enough is his standup bit about how having children ruins lives. I turned to Rob and asked, “Is this irony?” and he told me it was. We had gotten through most of that when I decided that I wanted to try getting in the shower as the contractions had gotten worse and were closer together. They were almost ten minutes apart lasting one minute each. We abandoned the timer at this point for about an hour. We got in the shower, which was pretty helpful. After that I said I wanted to try and bath. That was very nice for the time in between the contractions, but did not make much of a difference when I was going through them. Rob sat with me and the cats came in to explore what the hell was going on. My original pain plan of concentrating on the cats as a distraction started not working, nor was just breathing through them. I started vocal chanting through them, which provided some relief.
Eventually, we got out of the bath and went upstairs and I was feeling pretty terrible at this point. We started timing the contractions again. During this time, II tried myriad of positiong to help with the pain,: walking around the house, hands and knees position, sitting on the bouncy ball. We found that they had increased to 1 minute long every five minutes. At 1 pm, we decided to call Susan and the midwives to the let them know that we were going to try and labor from home a bit longer but would be in shortly. Susan started to get ready to come over. By about 2pm, I was miserable and telling Rob I wanted to go to the hospital and at this point I wasn’t sure I wanted to go natural after all. At 2:30, I was moaning that we had to leave and leave now. Rob ran around packing up the car and by the time we were in the driveway, Susan arrived. I had a contraction in the driveway that she held me through and I told her I wanted an epidural at the hospital after all.
I got in the back seat thinking that I might try and do hands and knees. I tried for a hot second but could not. Instead, I writhed in the seat as Rob drove around the curvy beltway, wincing at every bump in the road and turn. We got to the hospital and pulled into the emergency room entrance. Walking in, the front desk pointed us down the hall to the elevators. No wheelchair offered. I walked down the hall and crumpled in the elevator. When we arrived on the floor, Rob had to hit the hold door open button until I could walk to the front desk where I again crumpled. Then I sent Rob to get all the paperwork for the hospital, which we had left in the car. They wheeled a chair out for me and brought me to triage as Rob was doing this and they were like “was anyone with you?” “My husband,” I responded in a haze. “well where did he go?” they asked exasperated. I tried to explain for a minute but then another contraction hit. I ended up just writhing around on the triage bed and projecting my vocal toning. They did a quick check of my cervix and saw that i was 6 cm dilated. At that point things moved pretty quickly. Rob showed up and they escorted us to our room. I mistakenly chose to walk and at one point I dropped down with a contraction. I had a nurse on one side and Rob was behind me and I ended up grabbing onto someone who else turned out to be a Doctor. I remember the nurse explicitly thanking her and to me that really highlighted the dichotomy b/t the nurses and doctors. Nurses were there to help patients to the room, Doctors were not but in this case was lending a hand.
I finally got on the bed in the labor and delivery room. I got on my hands and knees swinging around to try and stem the pain. I told them in triage that I wanted an epidural, and asked again in the new room, but they had to get a litre of fluid in me first to keep my blood pressure up. After that point, where possible, I kept asking when that would be happening and could someone squeeze the bag of fluid to speed things up.
Eventually, the anesthesiologist showed up and boy did we have some adventures from there.
So, to get an epidural, you need to sit upright on the edge of the bed as still a possible, curled around a pillow so that your back is arched like a halloween cat. This is so they can place the epidural b/t your vertebrae, I think. Anyway, the doctor then gives you a local anaesthetic shot, which is just a slight pinch. Then they insert a larger needle into your spine and feed a catheter through it. Then they give you a test dose to make sure everything is alright and then they leave the catheter in and tape you up and the epidural is set to give you regular doses. This is what happens ideally. This is not how it worked for me.
The doctor had me sit up on the edge of the bed as described above. Remember, you are trying to do this, while having contractions, which are just so unbearably painful. She gets the local in and then tells me I was listing to the left and to sit more centered. I try to adjust but it is really difficult. She get the needle and catheter in and delivers the test dose. They ask me a series of questions about how I am feeling, do I have ringing in my ears. “No ringing but like an echoing in my ears.” It was like having metal shells over your ears if I had to describe it. Thinking this was a bad sign, she pulls out the needle and catheter and decides to try a new spot.
She does the local, inserts the needle and cannot get the catheter inserted and it hurts. It is like someone is pinching a nerve along your spinal cord. Eventually she gives up and decides to try a new spot. Meanwhile I’ve been having contractions throughout that process and she keeps telling me I a listing left and to try and stay centered. Moreover, my robe keeps falling down and the nurse keeps trying to hold it up for me, as if I fucking care, as if I have a shed of modesty here. My husband and doula just escorted me to the bathroom where I had a righteous poop that smelled none-too good. Honestly, as soon as I got to the hospital and they told me to disrobe, I would have been fine doing it in public b/c who cares at that point. I remember thinking I was going to be nervous to be so naked in front of so many people for the labor. Nope, wrong, not an issue, I didn’t care a lick. Honestly, in a matter of hours these people were going to see me poop myself, so, who really cares. I would have been happy completely naked for the process, no robe needed. The doctor again does the local, does the needle and gets the catcher in though I still complain about the pinching. The test does goes in and I don’t have any of the bad symptoms and I feel like ok maybe yeah that last contraction was not as bad. She tapes up my back, like seriously tapes it all up so that nothing is going anywhere and I lay back down. alright, back to the epidural. I laid down all taped up and the doctor stays around to make sure it is working after the three attempts already. Your contractions are supposed to get milder and then further apart. Mine did not.
The contractions got more intense and were coming more quickly. I am looking up at the ceiling and trying to cry but am so dry and asking god or whoever why this is not working. I am taking deep huge breaths with each contraction and letting them out with some vocal chanting “Hoooooe’s” Meanwhile I am shaking my head side to side in a “No” fashion. Susan the Doula is really good in seeing me through this. She is good at “holding the space.” She cannot save me from myself or this pain but she is reassuring and convinces me to nod my head “yes” instead of “no” and it honestly helps. The nurses and midwife do get a little concerned that I will start to hyperventilate so with each contraction I also have someone telling me to slow down my breathing. All this heavy breathing is causing my mouth to dry out as well.
Anyway, the third epidural does not work. The doctor decides to try again. They sit me up, un-tape my back and she finds a new spot; anesthesia, needle, catheter, test dose. They tape me up, lay me down and again nothing happens. By this point, I am in transition, which is when your contractions don’t stop.. They keep coming, one after the other. I think I have never experienced 10 level pain until this point. It is beyond shocking how painful it is. Shocking is the best way I can describe it. Unbelievable is a close second, truly unimaginable. My internal mantra at this point becomes “You are not dying.” Like you have to remind yourself that this is not death, this is natural and despite the pain everything is ok. Aloud all I can say is “why” and respond “no” when they ask if it is working.
Since we started with the epidurals, this process has taken two to three hours. I am starting to feel like I could push if need be. They check my dilation and I am over 9 but under 10 still so not quite time. Of course, I am sitting there thinking, man I really don’t want to have to push now but I also want this to be over. I don’t know how women do it. I was exhausted. I don’t know how after all that you are meant to have the energy to push. That said, if I could, I would start pushing just to do something, just to have this end.
So far, four attempted epidurals and all have failed. The doctor feels terrible but can’t seem to do anything and the nurse is PISSED. She calls the head of the department and tells him to come down and take care of me. He shows up a while later and even now i look back and picture him arriving with a halo around his head. He decides first to try and fix the catheter. They roll me over and remove the tape. He comments that is seems like an excessive amount of tape. He finagles with the catheter and tapes me back up. He waits through three contractions, which are not any better and I cannot really speak through except for my Hooooooe-ing He apologizes but says he would like to start over. They sit me up and get me in a better position in the bed. turns out I was listing left before b/c I was sitting awkwardly on a crack in the bed. Zzip zoom, he is done in a matter of no time and my legs go numb and the contractions start to diminish and I want to cry except I am so out of liquid in my face area from the heavy breathing. Everyone in the room is relieved.
Up to this point, I told the Doula I did not want to see Mom or Regan until the epidural kicked in. Now that it has, they come back. Man I am exhausted but so relieved and happily ten cm dialated at this point. We decide to wait and see how far down the baby will come on her own for a while so that I will not have to push for as long and to give my body time to rest up.
The room had been fully lit while trying for the epidurals, but once that is over they dim the lights so I can get some rest. The room stays dimly lit all the way until we are leaving for the recovery room, which is really nice. They give me a couple hours and examine me again. As it turns out, my water has not yet broken. Did you know that some babies can be born with the water in tact? Susan is hopeful that this could be one of those as it is very auspicious. At this point, Susan also notes that I have not been to the bathroom since the whole epidural shenanigans began. Once you get the epidural you can no longer walk so they have to use a catheter. Boy howdy, the nurse was surprised once she got the catheter in. I definitely had pee. Like, a lot of pee. Getting this out felt great and also created less tension for the baby to float down.
During this time I am resting, falling in and out of sleep. It is hard to really fall asleep b/c I am anxious about when I will start pushing and excited to meet George. They also said, I would feel a pressure at some point, like I had to poop, and a natural inclination to push. While the contractions are barely noticeable at this point, I can still tell when I am having one, which is ideal for when I do need to push.
Eventually, they decide to break my water to see if that will help things along. They basically take a hooked stick and poke it up there. The amniotic fluid comes out and apparently looks great. In fact, throughout this process they had been monitoring George and she never once appeared to be in distress so everything really is going great. We wait a little bit longer and then the midwives decide we should go ahead and try pushing. By this point the contractions are slowed down, with several minutes in between each one.
This is the best part of labor and when I say delivering George was the best experience of my life, I am mostly talking about this point. They offered to bring in a mirror and I accepted. I really recommend this. It is really neat to see. I started out on my back with Rob holding one leg and the doula holding the other. When I felt a contraction coming on, I would take a deep cleansing breath, release and then another that I pushed down on for ten seconds and another, pushing for ten seconds and another. I got the hang of pushing after the first try b/c I am awesome. After a few contractions on my back, I tried from a side position, meaning I was on my side with Rob holding my leg, while I push. Getting on to my side when the entire lower half of my body is paralyzed was a task, but we managed. Pushing really is one of the best parts of labor. It is hard and exhausting but it feels so good to actual be doing something finally. I kept my eyes closed while pushing b/c it is so strenuous and I was concentrating. Yes, you poop but I didn’t really notice and the nurse cleaned it up right after it happens so it is no big deal. I did keep asking Rob though, “does it smell? I think it smells. sorry.” Looking in the mirror, once I finally started paying attention to it, I just saw blood coming out for a while and that is about it.
Eventually they put me back on my back and I kept pushing from there. Finally, in the mirror, I could start to see the top of her head a little bit before it retreated back. After a few more contractions, her head started to come out and not stop and the midwife was like “stop pushing stop pushing!” and I do but Georgie was coming anyway. The midwife had to put her hand on the top of Georgie’s head to keep her from popping out. Mostly, they want it to be a gradual process to reduce the tearing. Also the midwife needs to get set up. Georgie comes out face up and they rotate her around for the rest of her body to squeeze out. She had the cord around her neck but it was fine and they just unwrapped it and plopped her on my chest. Rob and I were both crying. They waited to clamp the cord until it had stopped pulsing and Rob cut it. Georgie was crying and out of it. We tried feeding and she latched on and get some colostrum in. she has three meconium diapers that the nurse changes, which takes care of that and relieves Rob and I that we will not have to deal with those.
After Georgie was wrapped up, Mom and Regan came back and each got to hold her in turn. They ask me what I want to eat and earlie rI had been craving a bagel, but this was lunch time and I wanted lunch meat. Regan ran out and got me and italian sandwich.
